“The Man Rules” and a woman’s rebuttal
(The Man Rules taken from generic email…. rebuttal by Karla Maddox. Rules in black, Karla’s rebuttals in blue)
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys’ side of the story. ( I must admit, it’s pretty good – you guys always do )
We always hear “the rules” from the female side.
Oh right, and how many women do you find in Congress or the Senate making and passing all the rules?!!? How ’bout those great American ‘forefathers’?
Now here are the rules from the male side.
No breaking news here.
These are our rules! Please note… these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE!
Because that’s as far as you can count?
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
No kidding? Neither are we while waiting 2 hours for you to show up for dinner when you know it’s at 6 pm and has been for the past 17 years. So you wanted to get in a few baskets with the boys after work…the telephone has long since been invented and really works quite well.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You need it up AND down, don’t try to make this sound like you’re such an equal opportunist! You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
No, you just pee all over the seat when you don’t feel like lifting it up. Why don’t you get a urinal just for you…then we’ll see how well you like sitting on that thing when the need arises.
1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
No, the moon circles round the earth and nothing else day and night, and shines on her, beaming with delight. The changing tides never cease to embrace the sandy beaches and wash away the scars of the days tramplings, ever so gently renewing their naturally smooth essence. This is not even remotely like Sunday sports.
1. Crying is blackmail.
God gave you tear ducts too, it’s not our fault you refuse to use them when necessary.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Yes, please be clear, if you don’t like what’s for dinner, don’t just sit there mumbling about how you miss this or that, offer to do the cooking.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Hello!! Communication isn’t black & white. When was the last time you said ‘yes or no’ when someone asked you if you liked your new…anything?
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
I’d like to find a way to get rid of the television, think you could help me with that?
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
So you change your mind that frequently, eh?
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
Then don’t make such a big deal about how good skinny women look and we won’t worry about whether or not you think we look good.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Wimp! Stand up and take a beating like a man!
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
We have a reasonable expectation that you will remember how to do something when we first told you how to do it – that’s why we ask. We only ‘ask’ and then ‘tell’ when you obviously didn’t care to commit to memory what was important to us the last time.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials…
And you got married because…?
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
Clearly. And you keep landing everywhere but where you’re suppose to, and telling everyone you’re right where you wanted to be.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Oh, so now you see in 16 colors, it’s not just black & white anymore. Already changing your mind and still on rule # 1.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If it hurts us, we will cry. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Why act? Why analyze what we’re thinking? Just come out and ask what we’re thinking about instead of presuming.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
If you give an answer to a question we didn’t ask, expect follow-up questions that you won’t have answers for.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.
When we go somewhere, most anything you choose to wear is not appropriate for the occasion. We try to lead by example.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
(Sigh) and we were hoping you had REAL thoughts…
1. You have enough clothes.
You have enough car parts.
1. You have too many shoes.
You have too many tools.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Yes, we know, but you don’t seem to appreciate round on women.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that! ? It’s like camping.
Yes, we know it’s like camping, we like the couch too, but we don’t like the whining of men when they have to go to bed alone.